Tales of moral degeneracy, South Florida edition

Perplexed by the way my hands shivered with excitement, I found the answer: I hadn’t written about The Plankton with a Hairpiece in ages.

‘Making fun of liberals together, we bonded over that a lot’

As the bells tolled on a new year, I found the source of a void in my life: I haven’t written about the Plankton with a Hairpiece in months, if not a full calendar year. The senior senator from Florida (the state with the prettiest name!) has done little to distinguish himself while the pandemic

I’ve seen dresses with higher IQs

The senior senator from Florida, ladies and gentleman, the Plankton with a Hairpiece: Imagine the noble effort of Marco Rubio’s heart, every millisecond pumping blood into an undeserving body born without a brain. He knows nothing about Venezuela other than he can take the spotlight from the president he loathes but would like to be,

Marco Rubio’s day of reckoning

Black Americans have most to fear from whites doing them harm, but I doubt they comprise a majority of the National Rifle Association’s membership. Also: gay Americans. I wonder how many of them attended C-PAC yesterday; speeches like this put the lie to the NRA’s claim that it takes everybody. An argument for another time.

Now we’re in for it…

Although as of this moment the Senate has halted forward motion on Millionaires Bailout Act II, the enthusiasm of Susan Collins and John McCain adduce a general caviling to the wishes of the donor class that represents the true GOP base (I never thought I’d credit NPR’s Mara Liasson for pith: Donald Trump gives his

Profiles in courage: Marco Rubio

Two weeks ago, the Plankton with a Hairpiece, aka the part-time senator from Florida, got his cheeks swollen from the effort required to form sentences that might cohere into paragraphs. Rex Tillerson, the oil scion whom Donald Trump has nominated to supervise the selling of American interests to Vladimir Putin, endured it. But that was

Have at it, bro

In a statement announcing he’s changed his mind about not seeking reelection, the junior senator from Florida alluded to his affection for the institution he’s visited less often than a high school senior on a Close Up trip: “Control of the Senate may very well come down to the race in Florida,” he said. “That

The cowardice of Marco Rubio

My twelve-step program allows for relapses. Here’s what happened this weekend re: Marco Rubio: Meditating on everything from Trump’s rise to his fractious relationship with Jeb Bush, Rubio revisited nearly every turn of his presidential run in an interview with CNN’s Jake Tapper that aired Sunday on “State of the Union.” The former presidential candidate,

Marco Rubio, pundit

Six weeks after losing in the most ignominious way possible, the junior senator from Florida is rested and eager to play pundit. The brief exile has deepened his wisdom, sharpened his wit, and added hair to his legs: “If he keeps winning delegates like he did the other night in New York, I think he’s

Marco Rubio: ‘The guy who would show up late’

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/what-went-wrong-with-marco-rubio-20160318?page=8 Because I love to read tales of implosion: Rubio’s handling of the Gang of Eight negotiations might offer a window into his executive style. “He was the guy who would show up late, leave early and leave the dirty work to his staff,” recalls one aide who worked behind the scenes on the bill.

Beware the Ides of March — primary edition

When Hillary Clinton talks, no matter how inspirational her script, she slips into Frank Drebin mode: I want a world where Frank Jr, and all Frank Jrs can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. I want a world where I can

Marco Rubio — RIP

Eleven months ago I wrote a piece which I’ve linked to often explaining why the junior senator from Florida would be a calamitous president. As he prepares to lose his home state, I want to address the number of Miami Dade County residents whose yard signs, casual conversation, and turnout in recent days bespeak their