Profiles in courage: Marco Rubio

Two weeks ago, the Plankton with a Hairpiece, aka the part-time senator from Florida, got his cheeks swollen from the effort required to form sentences that might cohere into paragraphs. Rex Tillerson, the oil scion whom Donald Trump has nominated to supervise the selling of American interests to Vladimir Putin, endured it. But that was two weeks ago. Senator Plankton has decided he wants to torpedo his chances of running for president again:

I believe the president is entitled to significant deference when it comes to his choices for the cabinet. I also believe given the uncertainty surrounding the future direction of our foreign policy that a higher degree of scrutiny is justified in evaluating whoever is nominated to serve as secretary of state.

Our foreign policy is at its best and most effective when it is grounded in the moral principles and values that have defined us since our founding. President Reagan made democracy and liberty central to his foreign policy. He challenged the ‘evil empire,’ and he demanded they ‘tear down this wall.’

But today there are calls to move our foreign policy in a direction that views geopolitics as a series of deals to be made, even if they come at the expense of our values or require us to abandon our traditional allies. Therefore, my consideration of Mr. Tillerson’s nomination focused not just on his qualifications, but also on his views about the role of democracy and human rights in shaping our foreign policy.

In my writing class I use the metaphor “throat clearing” often – a tendency to lard a first page with semantic mush, motivated by equal parts not having a clue about how to start and trying to make an assigned word count. It’s a tribute to the opaqueness of his clouds of ink that I can never divine Marco Rubio’s intentions. He wants to be president, quite desperately, for which he shows the attention span of a Palmetto bug and the curiosity of Spanish moss. This pathetic performance shows that not only is he a coward and a buffoon, but a shitty brief writer in law school.

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