Trust me, darlin’: The worst of John Lennon

I had to restrain myself from listing every track from Walls and Bridges, as much a nullity as George Harrison’s Extra Texture and mostly indistinguishable from a hundred no-name albums by white dudes recording leaden funk pop (tracks with synthesizers get dismissed as “dated” but not tracks with Saturday Night Live blooze sax and flatContinue reading “Trust me, darlin’: The worst of John Lennon”

I’ve been called a lotta names: The worst of Blondie

For a few years the most adept magpies to emerge from a scene — and a country! — suspicious of style-as-substance, Blondie’s first four albums were neon-lit flexing, determined to rub listeners in a sense of a shared past that a somnolent white pop culture had spent a decade burying behind bearded melancholy and beneathContinue reading “I’ve been called a lotta names: The worst of Blondie”

Worst songs ever: Drake’s “Hotline Bling”

Like a good single, a terrible one reveals itself with airplay and forbearance. I don’t want to hate songs; to do so would shake ever-sensitive follicles, and styling gel is expensive. I promise my readers that my list will when possible eschew obvious selections. Songs beloved by colleagues and songs to which I’m supposed toContinue reading “Worst songs ever: Drake’s “Hotline Bling””

Worst Songs Ever: Air Supply’s ‘The One That You Love’

Air Supply – “The One That You Love” PEAK CHART POSITION: #1 in July 1981 Like a good single, a terrible one reveals itself with airplay and forbearance. I don’t want to hate songs; to do so would shake ever-sensitive follicles, and styling gel is expensive. I promise my readers that my list will whenContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Air Supply’s ‘The One That You Love’”

Worst Songs Ever: Tracy Chapman’s ‘Give Me One Reason’

Like a good single, a terrible one reveals itself with airplay and forbearance. I don’t want to hate songs; to do so would shake ever-sensitive follicles, and styling gel is expensive. I promise my readers that my list will when possible eschew obvious selections. Songs beloved by colleagues and songs to which I’m supposed toContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Tracy Chapman’s ‘Give Me One Reason’”

Worst Songs Ever: Weezer’s ‘Undone (The Sweater Song)’

Like a good single, a terrible one reveals itself with airplay and forbearance. I don’t want to hate songs; to do so would shake ever-sensitive follicles, and styling gel is expensive. I promise my readers that my list will when possible eschew obvious selections. Songs beloved by colleagues and songs to which I’m supposed toContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Weezer’s ‘Undone (The Sweater Song)’”

Worst Songs Ever: Queen’s ‘We Are the Champions/We Will Rock You’

Like a good single, a terrible one reveals itself with airplay and forbearance. I don’t want to hate songs; to do so would shake ever-sensitive follicles, and styling gel is expensive. I promise my readers that my list will when possible eschew obvious selections. Songs beloved by colleagues and songs to which I’m supposed toContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Queen’s ‘We Are the Champions/We Will Rock You’”

Worst Songs Ever: Bee Gees’ ‘Love You Inside Out’

Bee Gees – “Love You Inside Out” PEAK CHART POSITION: #1 in June 1979 Imagine a world where people got sick of disco — got sick of the word “disco.” White people. Imagine a world without white people. When Barry, Maurice, and Robin Gibb  unleashed their numinous, terrifying shrieks, like Nazgûl on fell-beasts, many whiteContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Bee Gees’ ‘Love You Inside Out’”

Worst Songs Ever: Howard Jones’ ‘Things Can Only Get Better’

Howard Jones – “Things Can Only Get Better” PEAK CHART POSITION: #5 in June 1985 If we learned that Howard Jones was a cyborg created by the Thatcher government to sell positivity to a depressed public, we wouldn’t blink, nor would we miss a step if we learned that he based the fluffed generosity ofContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Howard Jones’ ‘Things Can Only Get Better’”

Worst Songs Ever: Chicago’s “Look Away”

Like a good single, a terrible one reveals itself with airplay and forbearance. I don’t want to hate songs; to do so would shake ever-sensitive follicles, and styling gel is expensive. I promise my readers that my list will when possible eschew obvious selections. Songs beloved by colleagues and songs to which I’m supposed toContinue reading “Worst Songs Ever: Chicago’s “Look Away””