As the bells tolled on a new year, I found the source of a void in my life: I haven’t written about the Plankton with a Hairpiece in months, if not a full calendar year. The senior senator from Florida (the state with the prettiest name!) has done little to distinguish himself while the pandemic raged; the tergiversations required as a Republican in the Age of Trump have taxed his feeble political acumen. (Rick Scott, junior senator and sadist, has shown no such hesitation).
In an impressive piece of accusatory journalism, The Miami Herald denounces Marco Rubio for instructing his amanuenses to stich letters into syllables for the sake of condemning GOP liars after the DC insurrection:
Florida Sen. Marco Rubio said Friday in a video that the people who stormed the U.S. Capitol were “lied to by politicians who were telling them that the vice president had the power to change the election results.”
But in the days before the attack that appalled the world and resulted in five deaths, Rubio made no public effort to counter what he now calls a lie pushed by politicians he didn’t name. Nor would he talk when asked this week about a last-ditch attempt by his fellow Senate Republicans to overturn the election by blocking President-elect Joe Biden’s formal certification, though he later voted against it.
And he said nothing when, hours before the riot, President Donald Trump tweeted as riled-up caravans of his supporters headed to Washington that “if Vice President Mike Pence comes through for us, we will win the presidency.”
Assessing the Plankton’s survival odds in a party replete with Josh Hawleys, Rick Scotts, and Ted Cruzes, Alex Daugherty hints that TIME’s former last best hope for America looks like a jowled, lethargic, incurious anachronism. These are the people Rubio should condemn but would rather sullenly allow to command his party, and in Miami the Spanish language media has only intensified its attacks on reason, comity, and humor:
Or consider Rosanne Boyland, 34, another casualty of last Wednesday’s insurrection. The AP obit contains this delightful morsel:
Boyland’s Facebook page featured photos and videos praising Trump and promoting fantasies, including one theory that a shadowy group was using the coronavirus to steal elections.
While they hadn’t seen each other in years, Stamathis said they chatted over Facebook Messenger regularly. A week or two ago, they had traded memes “of liberals losing their mind” online.
“Making fun of liberals together, we bonded over that a lot,” he said.
They must be a joy after a couple beers. The cruelty is the point.
Humanizing The Vacuum 
