Dance the blues: Golden Globes 2017

A frivolity I can’t forego, the Golden Globes take place the evening before I return to work through a grueling new semester. If I want to know about “grueling,” let’s see how many awards the Hollywood Foreign Press hands to La La Land. I confine my commentary to movies unless the spirit, i.e. Aperol, moves me.

10:58. Huppert wins! It’s the most vulnerable she’s ever looked, off- or onscreen. The win I most wanted. Now to bed. G’night!

10:57. Leonardo DiCaprio rehearsed Isabelle Huppert’s name.

10:50. Casey Affleck’s Beard wins Best Actor – Motion Picture Drama. He’s quiet and not boring and deserved to win.

10:44. La La Land wins. The producer thanks the Hollywood Foreign Press for “embracing cinema” because that’s what Hollywood is best at.

10:43. North America, responsible for Trump and Jimmy Fallon.

10:42. The applause for Moonlight (presented by an enthusiastic Brad Pitt) augurs good things.

10:36. When did Pierce Brosnan turn into Roger Moore?

10:32. We’re up to Best Actress — Motion Picture or Comedy. Emma Stone wins for La La Land. Rewatching Crazy, Stupid Love on cable last night, I marveled at how well she thrives in the bad ideas and leaden comedic routines in which she’s marooned.

10:32. Over the years Matt Damon has acquired more poise, despite the jowls.

10:27. Readers, I may not make it to the end of the broadcast. Between the stirrings of a cold and my desire to finish Simon Callow’s Orson Welles biography, I need a break.

10:22. Damien Chazelle wins Best Director. With each march to the dais he looks younger.

10:20. Chris Pine, in the evening’s tenth or eleventh grotesque beard. Is it replacing the AIDS ribbon?

10:14. After a speech in which she excoriates the president-elect for picking on a disabled reporter, Meryl Streep exits to a variety show version of ABBA.

10:11. Donald Trump, ball’s in your court.

10:09. By remembering her colleagues’ biographies, Streep is hinting she’s running in 2020 #Politico

10:07. Nevertheless, I’m delighted for Streep to have had this career. After three wins and 467 nominations, we’re still thinking she’ll upstage more deserving nominees.

10:06. Streep is always acting, isn’t she?

10:00. To those who haven’t read the recent New Yorker profile, Viola Davis cooks killer collard greens; she shared the recipe with Meryl Streep. The reaction shows “Dame” Streep powerfully moved. When I wrote my comment a while ago, I had no idea Davis was presenting a lifetime achievement award or something to Streep. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

9:49. The camera does not cut to Jimmy Farrell or Mel Gibson when Laura Dern gives her “we love queens of drama” line.

9:47. Presenting Deadpool and noting Ryan Reynolds’ performance, Jake Gyllenhaal shows how much he’s learned about acting since The Day After Tomorrow.

9:43. “Jake Gyllenhaal and more!” the announcer promises!

9:37. Sorry, Paul Verhoeven, but Isabelle Huppert’s character is a woman with whom I have much sympathy — we’re all surrounded by fools.

9:36. ELLLLLLLEE!!!!!

9:36. Best Foreign Language Film? Elle and Toni Erdmann, please. I’ll even take Neruda.

9:34. A strange thing: Casey Affleck’s hair and beard have turned him into a combination bear and otter.

9:31. My last post came as Zootopia‘s producers condemned people who want to divide us, etc.


Donald J. Trump Verified account

How is ABC Television allowed to have a show entitled “Blackish”? Can you imagine the furor of a show, “Whiteish”! Racism at highest level?

9:26. Zootopia wins Best Animated Picture, a fine thing because Jason Bateman’s fox is foxier than his role in Arrested Development and The Hogan Family.

9:25. A reaction shot of David Schwimmer, befuddled by the crowd response to Steve Carrell’s drawn-out joke about his dad divorcing his mom after taking young Steve to watch Fantasia. It’s the first time I’ve liked Schwimmer since Ross cheated on Rachel for the first time.

9:22. Damien Chazelle of La La Land wins for its second least deserving award.

9:20. To present Best Screenplay, Felicity Jones and Diego Luna appear. The latter, in a mullet I will forgive, orders the crowd to shut up in Spanish, perhaps an allusion to his justifiable pride in being allowed to keep his Mexican accent while playing an uncategorizable Star Wars hero in Rogue One. I will always love him for Y Tu Mama Tambien.

9:15. We’re at Best Actor in a White Tux. Ryan Gosling wins. For some reason his facial skin, which looks like flawless vinyl left on a park bench to dry, gets an extreme close-up.

9:14. The self-flagellation to which these actors submit embarrasses me. Goldie Hawn is too old to be cast in a movie; she makes awful jokes about needing bifocals, thereby ensuring she won’t be cast in a new movie.

9:11. A good first half hour aside, Lion is the kind of treacle that the Hollywood Foreign Press and Oscar adores, but Sunny Pawar is a wonderful camera subject and a natural performer.

9:06. This post will sound cynical, but I don’t care: Viola Davis will never get the Into the Wilds, Florence Foster Jenkinses, or even goddamn The River Wilds. She’s winning a Globe and possibly an Oscar for reprising a role in a classic of the American theater repertoire. Only Meryl Streep is allowed to be her age and contemporary.

9:01. Here we are with Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture. Viola Davis, superb in Fences, wins despite egregious category fraud.

9:01. Part of my problem with La La Land is that “City of Stars” is the kind of song that Ryan Gosling’s snob-purist would have rejected as schmaltz.

8:56. The bumper music: either Billy Squier’s “The Big Beat” or Dizzee Rascal’s “Fix Up, Look Sharp.”

8:54. La La Land‘s “City of Stars” wins for Best Song, which might’ve worked if the Magnetic Fields had sung it.

8:52. La La Land wins first major award for its least memorable part.

8:51. Sging, on hand to present Best Original Score, was asked to do so because he’s the only person who could say “intricate tapestries,” a phrase that would make Tom Ford proud.

8:50. Sofia Vergara makes the evening’s first anal pun.

8:47. Who does John Travolta play in The People vs O.J. Simpson — Kato Kaelin?

8:45. I haven’t reviewed 20th Century Women, a movie whose mix of tones discomfited me (Mike Mills directed it). Part of my problem — a minor problem, I’ll admit — is how it screws up the music. Other than Devo, I don’t see how the son in the movie would’ve had access to designer UK punk while living in America. But Annette Bening is typically warm and sharp.

8:42. @dick_nixon liked my tweet! I can die happily.

8:40. As @dick_nixon might have tweeted: “How many of these Hollywood people have done drugs with O.J. Simpson?”

8:34. Hacksaw Ridge sounds like an SNL parody, the mound of earth where Mel Gibson’s directing ambitions die after a heroic effort.

8:33. We get our first reference to the arts giving us “a better understanding of our common humanity” despite everyone at the ceremony sitting at tables with cold bottles of chardonnay.

8:20. At the height of his Clinton-era floppy-haired gormlessness, I couldn’t dislike Hugh Grant. I was juuust old enough to remember David Niven, Roger Moore, and other mildly talented male Britishes who persuaded Americans that England was sophisticated. But when mildly talented male Britishes disrupt the gentility with which they’ve become moneybags with syphilis jokes I say the State Department need a registry.

8:15. Resembling a TV movie idea of a neo-trad country singer circa 1987, Billy Bob Thornton wins Best TV Drama Actor for the TV series Goliath. In his speech he forces the audience to rush to their phones to google “Van Johnson.”

8:10. Emma Stone and Ryan Reynolds gleam as they present the award for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture. Aaron Taylor Johnson wins for playing a Looney Tunes version of a cowboy in Nocturnal Animals, but his hair is impressive, so there is that.

8:07. Host Jimmy Fallon has got the crowd, in a display of its combined acting chops, pretending to laugh at his O.J./Chris Rock imitations.

8:06. Ryan Gosling is the only actor who can smile smugly but not look smugly #that’sall

8:04. Justin Timberlake is much hotter as a thirtysomething with a beard than he was a twentysomething with curls. #that’sall

8:02. The La La Land opening number/tribute gives the game away, doesn’t it.

8 p.m. Al Roker is carrying a miniature bottle of champagne as if he’s never held a bottle.

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