Humanizing The Vacuum

The last group of the year. I’ll see you in 2012.

Shakira – Je l’aime a mourir (Lo quiero a morir) (7)
Danny Fernandes ft. Josh Ramsay & Belly – Hit Me Up (6)
Kathleen Edwards – Sidecar (5)
Katie Armiger – Scream (2)

We’re approaching the last group of singles reviews of the year, so it’s fortunate a surprise awaits longtime readers: not only is this the first time a Rihanna song outranks the rest, but in a Drake song. Savor the deliciousness.

All songs ranked on a ten-point scale. Click on links for full reviews.

Drake ft. Rihanna – Take Care (7)
Nicki Minaj – Roman In Moscow (6)
Delilah – Love You So (6)
Lana Del Rey – Born To Die (6)
Jake Owen – Alone With You (5)
Rebecca Ferguson – Nothing’s Real But Love (5)
Goldfrapp – Yellow Halo (3)
will.i.am ft. Jennifer Lopez & Mick Jagger – T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever) (3)

Beyoncé – Schoolin’ Life (7)
Eric Church – Country Music Jesus (7)
Little Dragon – Ritual Union (6)
The Rapture – How Deep Is Your Love (6)
Danny Brown – Lincoln Continental (6)
Tieranniesaur – Here Be Monsters (6)
Ane Brun – Do You Remember (6)
Big Freedia – Y’all Get Back Now (5)
IU – The Story Only I Didn’t Know (5)
Gruff Rhys – Sensations in the Dark (4)
Rebecca Black – Friday (3)
The Lovely Eggs – Don’t Look At Me (I Don’t Like It) (3)

What would I do without Brad Paisley saving us from defeat and despair? He’s fast becoming the  James Baker of pop music.

Scores based on a ten-point scale. Click on links for full reviews.

Brad Paisley – Camouflage (7)
Florence + The Machine – No Light, No Light (5)
Beyoncé ft. J Cole – Party (5)
Patrick Wolf – Together (4)
Elle Varner ft. J Cole – Only Wanna Give It To You (4)
T-ara – Cry Cry (3)
Rihanna – You Da One (3)
Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe (3)
Deadmau5 – Aural Psynapse (3)
Big Time Rush ft. Mann – Music Sounds Better With You (1)
Javier Colon ft. Natasha Bedingfield – As Long As We Got Love (0)

I’m thankful that the year coughed up a single worthy of every bombastic thing written and yet to be written about it. The also-rans bloomed in Azealia Banks’ company, or maybe I was particularly compassionate.

Azealia Banks – 212 (8)
Lady Gaga – Marry The Nigh (7)
Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj – Dance (A$$) (7)
K Michelle – Sweetest Love (6)
Gabrielle – Bordet (6)
The Internet – Cocaine (5)
Real Estate – It’s Real (5)
Perfume – Spice (5)
Tracey Thorn – Night Time (4)
Cee-lo Green – Anyway (4)
Will Young – Come On (3)

No idea why I’ve resisted Katy B this long.

All scores graded on a ten-point system. Click on links for full review.

Katy B – Movement (8)
Jay Z & Kanye West – Niggas in Paris (6)
Example – Midnight Run (6)
EMA – Marked (5)
Westlife – Lighthouse (4)
Nicole Scherzinger – Try With Me (4)
Amy Winehouse – Our Day Will Come (4)
Coldplay ft. Rihanna – Princess Of China (4)
Kelly Rowland – Down For Whatever (2)
Family Of The Year – St. Croix (2)

The most eclectic bunch of the year: a comeback of sorts by Miami’s biggest legacy artist, Drake and Minaj recording a rap duet as distant as George and Aretha’s contemporary pop one in 1987, Flo rida fodder, and R.E.M .’s sweet, innocuous valedictory.

Arctic Monkeys – Suck It and See (7)
Steel Magnolia – Bulletproof (7)
Marit Larsen – Coming Home (6)
Drake ft. Nicki Minaj – Make Me Proud (6)
Charli XCX – Nuclear Seasons (6)
R.E.M. – We All Go Back to Where We Belong (5)
Gloria Estefan – Wepa (5)
Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa ft. Bruno Mars – Young, Wild & Free (4)
Flo Rida – Good Feeling (2)
SNSD – The Boys (2)
Victoria Duffield – Shut Up & Dance (1)
Taio Cruz ft. Flo Rida – Hangover (1)
One Direction – Gotta Be You (0)

Two of the biggest country stars score the highest grades.

All scores graded on a ten-point scale.

Jason Aldean – Tattoos On This Town (7)
Kip Moore – Somethin’ ‘Bout a Truck (7)
Toby Keith – Red Solo Cup (7)
Rizzle Kicks – When I Was A Youngster (6)
Icona Pop – Nights Like This (6)
VV Brown ft. Chiddy – Children (Keep On Singing) (4)
Risa Binder – You Made It Rain (4)
JLS – Take A Chance On Me (4)
Porno Graffitti – One More Time (4)
Snow Patrol – This Isn’t Everything You Are (2)
Clover – A Guy Who I Know (1)

The Jukebox debate over the politics (and semiotics) of the word “geronimo” overlooked how an act as divisive recorded an album’s worth of erratically rhythmic war chants. I mean of course Justin Bieber.

Kidding. Look at my single of the week.

tUnE-YarDs – Gangsta (8)
Kate Bush – Wild Man (7)
Aura Dione – Geronimo (6)
Justin Bieber – Mistletoe (5)
Britney Spears – Criminal (4)
Nero – Crush On You (4)
Wynter Gordon – Buy My Love (4)
Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans (4)
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – AKA… What a Life (3)
Charlene Soraia – Wherever You Will Go (3)
Rascal Flatts ft. Natasha Bedingfield – Easy (2)
Korn ft. Skrillex & Kill The Noise – Narcissistic Cannibal (2)

Miss B takes this by default: nothing on this week’s list matches her panache, avidity, and talent for excellent gif captures.

Beyoncé – Countdown (9)
Emile Sandé ft Naughty Boy – Daddy (7)
T.I. ft. Big K.R.I.T. – Flexin’ (6)
The Wanted – Lightning (5)
J. Cole – Work It Out (6)
The Horrible Crowes – Behold The Hurricane (6)
Joe Goddard ft. Valentina – Gabriel (6)
Bruno Mars – It Will Rain (6)
RD – Got Me Burnin’ (6)
Gavin DeGraw – Not Over You (2)
Susan Boyle - Enjoy The Silence (2)
Toby Keith – Made in America (2)

If you haven’t heard “Whirring,” the Joy Formidable’s formidable single released earlier this year, do so. It hasn’t received half the attention of J. Cole, although the young rapper, who produces most of his own material, might reward the scrutiny later.

All scores based on a ten-point scale. Click on links for full reviews.

The Joy Formidable – Cradle (7)
Frank Ocean – Swim Good (6)
J Cole ft. Trey Songz – Can’t Get Enough (6)
Keith Urban – Long Hot Summer (6)
Tove Styrke – Call My Name (6)
Brown Eyed Girls – Sixth Sense (6)
Mastodon – Curl Of The Burl (5)
B.o.B ft. Lil Wayne – Strange Clouds (5)
Jay Park – Demon (3)
Ian Carey ft. Snoop Dogg & Bobby Anthony – Last Night (3)
Professor Green ft. Emeli Sandé – Read All About It (2)

I’ve waited ten years for Nickleback to create a single with boogie flair.

Nickleback – When We Stand Together (6)
Kara – Step (6)
Neon Indian – Polish Girl (6)
SuperHeavy – Miracle Worker (5)
Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris – We Found Love (4)
Florence + the Machine – Shake It Out (4)
Nickleback – Bottoms Up (3)
Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse – Body and Soul (3)
David Guetta ft. Usher – Without You (3)
James Morrison – I Won’t Let Go (1)
Lou Reed & Metallica – The View (1)